Master, please remove the stone. A painting of a man having a stone removed from his head. The stone is being removed by a sham doctor. If you are a sham doctor, then you have to achieve a balance. You can't get so big and successful that you'll get caught. If you convince people they have stones in their head, and if you convince them that you are good at removing them, then you can't get so good and so big that they realize that it's all a sham. If they realize that it's a sham, then you won't be able to be a sham doctor any longer.
But, you also don't want to be so small. If you are so small--if you are so slightly regarded as a sham doctor--then that means that you don't have enough patients. You don't have enough suckers who don't have stones in their heads but who think they have stones in their heads. If you don't have enough suckers to operate on, and if you're not getting their gold, then what that means is that honest work is more profitable than your sham.
It is sad when honest work is more profitable than your sham. There is one instance, though, in which it is okay for your sham to be less profitable than honest work. That one instance is if you love your sham. Sometimes, a sham is another person. Or it's an animal. Or it's a nice piece of clothing. Or it's a knife you don't have to sharpen too often. The knife holds and edge, but the knife gets rusty, so you have to oil it up often.
Master, take away the stone. My head has been shaved. I have my mouth open. Take away the stone, Master. Porfa. Take it away. Por favor. Porfa. Muak. Q tal. The sham doctor. Gold coins coming out of his ass and going down a hole. Trapped in a glass ball. The inside of the glass ball is oily and greasy and dirty, but I clean the outside of it. The outside of it is clean. It is oily and greasy because you are in the inside of it, shaming yourself.
Glen Baxter is an excellent cartoonist. His cartoons are funny. They are humorous. They are a sham off which he makes no profit. It is a sham that loses money, that loses profit.
Some would say that a sham that loses money is not a sham, but, of course, that is not true. It is simply a bad sham. Or it's a bad sham from someone's perspective, but not from the perspective of someone like Glen Baxter, who makes comics even though he stands to make no profit.
Like the successful scarecrow, he is outstanding in his field.
In one comic, he has this line:
"The insurance salesman moved in brandishing his policies."
"The insurance salesman" is the subject of this sentence.
"The" is the definite article. Or it is a determiner. It acts as an adjective in that it modifies "salesman."
"insurance" is an adjective here. It can also be a noun--like in this sentence: "I do not have health insurance."
"salesman" is a noun. It is a concrete noun, a count noun.
"moved in" is the main verb. In this verb, "in" is not a preposition. It is a particle that goes with the verb "to move." You can tell that a verb has a particle if you can replace that verb and particle with another noun. Here, one could replace "moved in" with "advanced."
"brandishing his policies" is a participle phrase that acts as an adjective. It modifies the subject of the sentence, "The insurance salesman." Really, to punctuate this sentence using Standard Edited English, Baxter should have put a comma in front of "brandishing."
"brandishing" is a participle. It is a verbal.
"his policies" is the direct object of the participle.
"his" is a determiner. It acts as an adjective.
"policies" is a noun. It is concrete and count.
Master, take away the stone. I have a sham, but I don't profit off it, so it's really a meditation. It's the mistake I can make forever, and no one gets hurt. Or everyone gets hurt, but in such a minute way.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
MY LATE SON
Dear Elfriede Jelinek,
It is my belief that love is inhuman. It is not a technology invented by humans--it's not even for humans--but it is one that humans use. Humans use the technology of audience. Audience is an older technology than love. It is a technology that humans use, even as they are huddled in a cave, their eyes cast down, as the phantasmagoria comes through.
When the phantasmagoria comes through, you need to be certain to keep your eyes down, Elfriede. If you put your eyes up, and if you see the phantasmagoria, then a few things must happen:
1. You die. Overwhelmingly, after all, the universe is not for humans.
2. You lose your eyes. You're left with two burnt out holes.
3. You join the phantasmagoria.
I have it that my grandfather joined it, Elfriede. He joined it young before he died. Then, he joined it late. My great grandfather joined it, too. And so did my tri-great grandfather. That's the man who Jesse James saw. He said my tri-great grandfather was "just some kid."
You have a book. It is Women as Lovers. This is its first sentence in translation:
"one day brigitte decided, that she wanted to be only woman, all woman for a guy, who was called heinz."
There is no better first sentence to anything, Elfriede. That is the first sentence. I'm not sure what it's like in the original, though. What is the original language? German?
Your first sentence.
"one day" acts as an adverbial. It tells us, the readers, when this is all happening. It's all happening "one day"--that is, a day in which I mistook a black dog for a crow in a field.
"one" is an adjective.
"day" is a noun.
"brigitte" is the subject of the sentence. It is a proper noun. It is the noun of a person named brigitte. In the book, this word is not capitalized, which is something that is non-standard. It is a marked way of doing things.
"decided" is the main verb. It is a transitive verb because it requires a direct object.
"that she wanted to be only woman" is the direct object of the transitive verb "decided." It is a noun clauses. (I am not sure why there is a comma before this direct object, this noun clause, Elfriede. Is that something that you did in the original German? Or is this something that Martin Chalmers, your translator, did? Have you met with Martin? Have you met him face-to-face, or has your only interaction with him been via some device?)
"that" is a little unnecessary piece. I'm not sure if it's called an expletive. If we were diagramming this sentence, then I'd put this "that" in the air and under a dotted line.
"she" is the subject of the noun clause that acts as the direct object. This word, "she," is a pronoun that casts back to "brigitte."
"wanted" is the verb of the noun clause. It looks to be a transitive verb because the verb "to want" is almost always transitive. After all, Elfriede, don't we normally want something. It would be abnormal just to want and want and want without wanting something. The more I write about the verb "to want," however, the more I feel that we're stupid to think it should have a direct object. We really don't know what we want. We never know what that something is.
"to be only woman" is the direct object of the verb "wanted," which is in past tense and which is the main verb of the noun clause.
"to be only woman" is an infinitive phrase that functions as a noun.
"to be" is the infinitive. It is the "to be" verb and is not conjugated. The "to be" verb requires a complement.
"only woman" is the subject complement--the predicate nominative--that goes at the end of the "to be" infinitive.
"only" is what here? It's in front of a noun, so is it an adjective? I usually think of "only" as an adverb, though.
"woman" is a noun. It's what brigitte wants to be. I would like her to be that, but I wouldn't want her to worry about it. Or if she did not want to be a woman, then she shouldn't be a woman. Or he shouldn't want to be a woman. Or they should not want to be a woman. It's not always best to want to be a noun. A noun goes only so far. A noun never goes far enough, Elfriede. That's one thing that no one knows on this planet. I might be the only one, and now I've told you. (Don't worry; you don't have to gift me you Nobel Prize.)
"all woman for a guy" looks to be--in my addled mind--an appositive. Doesn't it modify the preceding noun, "woman"? I am no authority on the English language, Elfriede.
"all" is an adjective, I think. Again, it's in front of a noun.
"woman" is a noun. Back to those nouns that never add up, that never go far enough.
"for a guy" is a prepositional phrase that modifies "woman." It modifies the woman that's closest to it--the "woman" that's in the prepositional phrase, not the "woman" that's in the infinitive phrase. Many women. They are all different, even though they are the same word. There is no such thing as a synonym, even when it's a repeated word word.
"for" is the preposition.
"a" is the indefinite article.
"guy" is a noun. A real fucker.
"who was called heinz" is a relative clause--an adjective clause--that modifies "guy."
"who" is the subject of the clause. It is a relative pronoun. It is the subject of a passive clause--a passive construction. The "who" is not passive, but whoever is calling him heinz is.
"was called" is the main verb of the relative clause. It is in a passive construction because we have the past tense form of the "to be" verb followed by the past participle. A dead giveaway. A dead give.
"heinz" is a proper noun--like brigitte.
It is my belief that love is inhuman. It is not a technology invented by humans--it's not even for humans--but it is one that humans use. Humans use the technology of audience. Audience is an older technology than love. It is a technology that humans use, even as they are huddled in a cave, their eyes cast down, as the phantasmagoria comes through.
When the phantasmagoria comes through, you need to be certain to keep your eyes down, Elfriede. If you put your eyes up, and if you see the phantasmagoria, then a few things must happen:
1. You die. Overwhelmingly, after all, the universe is not for humans.
2. You lose your eyes. You're left with two burnt out holes.
3. You join the phantasmagoria.
I have it that my grandfather joined it, Elfriede. He joined it young before he died. Then, he joined it late. My great grandfather joined it, too. And so did my tri-great grandfather. That's the man who Jesse James saw. He said my tri-great grandfather was "just some kid."
You have a book. It is Women as Lovers. This is its first sentence in translation:
"one day brigitte decided, that she wanted to be only woman, all woman for a guy, who was called heinz."
There is no better first sentence to anything, Elfriede. That is the first sentence. I'm not sure what it's like in the original, though. What is the original language? German?
Your first sentence.
"one day" acts as an adverbial. It tells us, the readers, when this is all happening. It's all happening "one day"--that is, a day in which I mistook a black dog for a crow in a field.
"one" is an adjective.
"day" is a noun.
"brigitte" is the subject of the sentence. It is a proper noun. It is the noun of a person named brigitte. In the book, this word is not capitalized, which is something that is non-standard. It is a marked way of doing things.
"decided" is the main verb. It is a transitive verb because it requires a direct object.
"that she wanted to be only woman" is the direct object of the transitive verb "decided." It is a noun clauses. (I am not sure why there is a comma before this direct object, this noun clause, Elfriede. Is that something that you did in the original German? Or is this something that Martin Chalmers, your translator, did? Have you met with Martin? Have you met him face-to-face, or has your only interaction with him been via some device?)
"that" is a little unnecessary piece. I'm not sure if it's called an expletive. If we were diagramming this sentence, then I'd put this "that" in the air and under a dotted line.
"she" is the subject of the noun clause that acts as the direct object. This word, "she," is a pronoun that casts back to "brigitte."
"wanted" is the verb of the noun clause. It looks to be a transitive verb because the verb "to want" is almost always transitive. After all, Elfriede, don't we normally want something. It would be abnormal just to want and want and want without wanting something. The more I write about the verb "to want," however, the more I feel that we're stupid to think it should have a direct object. We really don't know what we want. We never know what that something is.
"to be only woman" is the direct object of the verb "wanted," which is in past tense and which is the main verb of the noun clause.
"to be only woman" is an infinitive phrase that functions as a noun.
"to be" is the infinitive. It is the "to be" verb and is not conjugated. The "to be" verb requires a complement.
"only woman" is the subject complement--the predicate nominative--that goes at the end of the "to be" infinitive.
"only" is what here? It's in front of a noun, so is it an adjective? I usually think of "only" as an adverb, though.
"woman" is a noun. It's what brigitte wants to be. I would like her to be that, but I wouldn't want her to worry about it. Or if she did not want to be a woman, then she shouldn't be a woman. Or he shouldn't want to be a woman. Or they should not want to be a woman. It's not always best to want to be a noun. A noun goes only so far. A noun never goes far enough, Elfriede. That's one thing that no one knows on this planet. I might be the only one, and now I've told you. (Don't worry; you don't have to gift me you Nobel Prize.)
"all woman for a guy" looks to be--in my addled mind--an appositive. Doesn't it modify the preceding noun, "woman"? I am no authority on the English language, Elfriede.
"all" is an adjective, I think. Again, it's in front of a noun.
"woman" is a noun. Back to those nouns that never add up, that never go far enough.
"for a guy" is a prepositional phrase that modifies "woman." It modifies the woman that's closest to it--the "woman" that's in the prepositional phrase, not the "woman" that's in the infinitive phrase. Many women. They are all different, even though they are the same word. There is no such thing as a synonym, even when it's a repeated word word.
"for" is the preposition.
"a" is the indefinite article.
"guy" is a noun. A real fucker.
"who was called heinz" is a relative clause--an adjective clause--that modifies "guy."
"who" is the subject of the clause. It is a relative pronoun. It is the subject of a passive clause--a passive construction. The "who" is not passive, but whoever is calling him heinz is.
"was called" is the main verb of the relative clause. It is in a passive construction because we have the past tense form of the "to be" verb followed by the past participle. A dead giveaway. A dead give.
"heinz" is a proper noun--like brigitte.
5 MWE: Treat me nice.
wrists
panels
loomed
solemnly
push
eyes
We did not want to kill the lambs ourselves. We used to kill the lambs ourselves, but we no longer did that. By "that," we meant killing lambs. Little creatures. They make no noise as you kill them. Something in the Bible about that. It was some kind of punishment, probably. You can be certain of that because you are in a tree. You went to find some mushrooms with your aunt as we sat around the table, drinking bathtub beer and basement whiskey, talking about how we should no longer kill the lambs. You came back with your aunt. She claimed to know how to identify mushrooms, but the last time we ate what she got, we all got sick. She had us eat things she called Puff Balls and Turkey Tails, and they made us sick. They killed animals.
Drinking that whiskey and that beer, we decided to kill the lambs no more. It's just some rain. Just a little bit of rain. It won't tear you up. It will tear you up. It will tear you up as five lions would tear your up. At the zoo, most of the animals had come from houses raided on drug raids raided on drug raids with the drug raid foremost in our mind because it took place in a house that was mostly submerged in water. The odd thing was that the second floor was nearly completely submerged. The third floor was the complete definition of the word submerged. But the ground floor was dry.
She made a mask out of skull pieces and ash wood. Some inlaid brass bits from rifle cartridges.
First, we immobilized her wrists. We kept them still for over a month. It prevented her from putting spin and curve on the balls she threw. It prevented her from schooling dupes at pool. We next immobilized her eyes. Her eyes still worked, but they could not move in her skull. She claimed to see more than she had ever seen.
There were cloistered nuns behind the panels in the walls. The nuns made little yellow cookies. If you whispered for a cookie in a room, then they'd slip you one through a slot. A slot in a panel. Yellow cookies that were too sweet or not sweet enough. You never saw the nuns. The rumor was that if you rubbed your naked self against the oldest door in the city, then you'd free all the nuns. The nuns were cloistered. It was their elective. They wanted to be there. But if you rubbed yourself against the door, they'd change their minds and want out. They'd start pounding, and you'd have to get the tools to pry them out.
We could not kill the lamb, so we hired two men to do it. We hired two children. Two soldiers. A pair of lovers. We hired two old men. One old man was a fogey. He was cranky. The other old man was the dirty old man. He was not a dirty one. He was the dirty one. The proto. We hired the two old men to kill the lamb. We let two dogs go at the lamb. Two lions that we freed from a drug-raided house. We did not want to kill the lamb, so we had to find some person or entity to do it for us. We had to find the fatalism that would end with a dead lamb. We did not want the lamb dead because we were sick. We wanted it dead for money. The restaurant would give us some money. They'd give us a moment and a drink.
She woke up with a rock in her mouth. She was not certain how it got there. Last night, she had gone to bed with a rascal. Did she do that? She considered herself a nymph of the forest, even though she was not. There were small purple flowers that she found and ate. She ate yellow ones. She ate mushrooms that made her sick. She wanted to be sick. She wanted to be sick and to be sick. It was important to her to be sick at the base of trees. By being sick at the base of a tree, she was not nourishing it nor herself. Even though she vomited at the base of trees, though, she did not die and the tree did not die. It was proof that you could hurt yourself over and over and not die. That contradicted lots of advice.
People came through with four-wheelers and rifles. The soldiers, when walking near mines, preferred to take their helmets off their heads and cover their crotches. That was what they preferred. The two lovers met in the dry concrete canal. The lovers agreed to no longer be lovers. They spat on each other. They took off their swimsuits and rubbed asses in the ocean. They picked at one another's faces. They were supposed to take care of a baby, but they argued in front of the baby. The baby stood on the couch. It was not crying. They argued in front of it. They threw each other around, and the baby fell off the couch. We are the police. We are here because your neighbors called us. We would like to talk to the man first and then to you.
A rabbit is the best way to remove wax out of carpet. It could be purple wax and a rabbit that appears to be the color periwinkle.
panels
loomed
solemnly
push
eyes
We did not want to kill the lambs ourselves. We used to kill the lambs ourselves, but we no longer did that. By "that," we meant killing lambs. Little creatures. They make no noise as you kill them. Something in the Bible about that. It was some kind of punishment, probably. You can be certain of that because you are in a tree. You went to find some mushrooms with your aunt as we sat around the table, drinking bathtub beer and basement whiskey, talking about how we should no longer kill the lambs. You came back with your aunt. She claimed to know how to identify mushrooms, but the last time we ate what she got, we all got sick. She had us eat things she called Puff Balls and Turkey Tails, and they made us sick. They killed animals.
Drinking that whiskey and that beer, we decided to kill the lambs no more. It's just some rain. Just a little bit of rain. It won't tear you up. It will tear you up. It will tear you up as five lions would tear your up. At the zoo, most of the animals had come from houses raided on drug raids raided on drug raids with the drug raid foremost in our mind because it took place in a house that was mostly submerged in water. The odd thing was that the second floor was nearly completely submerged. The third floor was the complete definition of the word submerged. But the ground floor was dry.
She made a mask out of skull pieces and ash wood. Some inlaid brass bits from rifle cartridges.
First, we immobilized her wrists. We kept them still for over a month. It prevented her from putting spin and curve on the balls she threw. It prevented her from schooling dupes at pool. We next immobilized her eyes. Her eyes still worked, but they could not move in her skull. She claimed to see more than she had ever seen.
There were cloistered nuns behind the panels in the walls. The nuns made little yellow cookies. If you whispered for a cookie in a room, then they'd slip you one through a slot. A slot in a panel. Yellow cookies that were too sweet or not sweet enough. You never saw the nuns. The rumor was that if you rubbed your naked self against the oldest door in the city, then you'd free all the nuns. The nuns were cloistered. It was their elective. They wanted to be there. But if you rubbed yourself against the door, they'd change their minds and want out. They'd start pounding, and you'd have to get the tools to pry them out.
We could not kill the lamb, so we hired two men to do it. We hired two children. Two soldiers. A pair of lovers. We hired two old men. One old man was a fogey. He was cranky. The other old man was the dirty old man. He was not a dirty one. He was the dirty one. The proto. We hired the two old men to kill the lamb. We let two dogs go at the lamb. Two lions that we freed from a drug-raided house. We did not want to kill the lamb, so we had to find some person or entity to do it for us. We had to find the fatalism that would end with a dead lamb. We did not want the lamb dead because we were sick. We wanted it dead for money. The restaurant would give us some money. They'd give us a moment and a drink.
She woke up with a rock in her mouth. She was not certain how it got there. Last night, she had gone to bed with a rascal. Did she do that? She considered herself a nymph of the forest, even though she was not. There were small purple flowers that she found and ate. She ate yellow ones. She ate mushrooms that made her sick. She wanted to be sick. She wanted to be sick and to be sick. It was important to her to be sick at the base of trees. By being sick at the base of a tree, she was not nourishing it nor herself. Even though she vomited at the base of trees, though, she did not die and the tree did not die. It was proof that you could hurt yourself over and over and not die. That contradicted lots of advice.
People came through with four-wheelers and rifles. The soldiers, when walking near mines, preferred to take their helmets off their heads and cover their crotches. That was what they preferred. The two lovers met in the dry concrete canal. The lovers agreed to no longer be lovers. They spat on each other. They took off their swimsuits and rubbed asses in the ocean. They picked at one another's faces. They were supposed to take care of a baby, but they argued in front of the baby. The baby stood on the couch. It was not crying. They argued in front of it. They threw each other around, and the baby fell off the couch. We are the police. We are here because your neighbors called us. We would like to talk to the man first and then to you.
A rabbit is the best way to remove wax out of carpet. It could be purple wax and a rabbit that appears to be the color periwinkle.
Monday, September 30, 2013
MY LATE SON
The point, of course, is that if you could push yourself down, right near the end, and with little or no pain, then you would do it in order to feel yourself come back again. I was never your favorite. I never was your favorite son. My brother was your favorite. Or it was my other brother--my half brother from my mother's other marriage--that's your favorite.
The Pilgrim Hawk by Glenway Wescott. An excellent book. A perfect small book.
This is its first sentence:
"The Cullens were Irish; but it was in France that I met them and was able to form an impression of their love and their trouble."
Because of the semi-colon, I'm thinking that that's one big sentence--even though the semi-colon joins two independent clauses. By using the semi-colon, Wescott is saying, "This is one big sentence."
The subject of the first independent clause is "The Cullens.
"the" is a determiner. It is an article. The definite article.
"Cullens" is a plural proper noun.
The main verb of the first independent clause is "were." It is plural and in the past tense. Tense does not mean time, but we can assume from "were" that we are talking about the past.
"Irish" is an adjective. It is a subject complement that modifies "The Cullens." It tells us something about them.
After that independent clause, we have a semi-colon. Following the semi-colon is "but," which, in this case, looks not to be a coordinating conjunction but a conjunctive adverb--sort of similar to a word like "however."
"it was in France that I met them" is something special. This might be what's called a cleft sentence in that I could move things around and change it to "I met them in France." By having a cleft sentence, Wescott puts emphasis on "France," since that word appears in the middle.
"it" would ordinarily be called a pronoun, but it doesn't look to be referring to an antecedent here. I don't know what this "it" is. It might be expletive it. It's not a pronoun--that much must be true.
Since "it" might be an expletive, I'm not sure if it's the true subject. Or it is the subject but not a strong one. (In a more direct sentence "I" would be the subject."
"it" is the subject.
"was" is the main verb. It is the "to be" verb in the past tense.
"in France" is a prepositional phrase.
"in" is the preposition.
"France" is the object of the preposition. This prepositional phrase acts as an adverb of time and place, and it also serves as, I think, the subject complement to "it." But who knows.
"that I met them and was able to form an impression of their love and their trouble" is an adjective clause, which, I think modifies "France." But this is tough since it seems to act adverbally.
"that" is the marker of the relative clause. If I were to diagram it, I think it'd be an expletive, too. That is, it would be on one of those pedestals with the dotted line bases.
"I" is the subject of the adjective clause. It is a first-person pronoun. It has no antecedent. We do not know who "I" is.
"met" is the first verb of the compound main verb that's in the adjective clause. It is a transitive verb and requires a direct object, which is "them."
"them" is a third-person plural pronoun that has to be in an object position of the sentence. It is the direct object. It has an antecedent, which is "The Cullens."
"and" is a conjunction that joins the two verbs in the main verb--the verb phrase--of the relative clause.
"was" is the other verb in the verb phrase. It is the past tense of "to be." Lots of the "to be" verb so far in this first big sentence.
"able" is an adjective. It is the subject complement of "I." What the narrator is saying is that he has some sort of ability.
"to form an impression of their love and their trouble" is an infinitive clause that modifies "able," so that means that it's an infinitive clause that acts as an adverb.
I wish I were your favorite son, but I am not.
"to form" is the infinitive. It looks like a verb, but it's a verbal. It carries no tense. That's why it's part of a phrase and not a clause.
"an impression" is the direct object of the transitive infinitive verb "to form." Something is forming.
"an" is a determiner. It is an article.
"impression" is a noun.
"of their love and their trouble" is a prepositional phrase with a compound object.
"of" is the preposition.
"their love and their trouble" is the object of the preposition.
"their" is a determiner. It has pronoun qualities to it, too, even though it can't take the place of a noun. Instead, it modifies a noun--all the while pointing back to an antecedent. The antecedent is "The Cullens." Everything in this sentence points back to the Cullens.
"love" is a noun. It is the worst noun in the dictionary. It is an abstract noun that causes so much concrete pain, anguish, shame, and embarrassment. The world would be better if it did not exist as a noun.
"and" is a conjunction that joins the two objects of the preposition. It has a bad attitude about it.
"their" is another determiner. It acts as an adjective in that it modifies "trouble."
"trouble" is also a noun--and it's a far better and more honest noun than "love," which is the worst noun--the worst piece of technology ever to come out of the rotten teeth and stinking tongues of humans.
The Pilgrim Hawk by Glenway Wescott. An excellent book. A perfect small book.
This is its first sentence:
"The Cullens were Irish; but it was in France that I met them and was able to form an impression of their love and their trouble."
Because of the semi-colon, I'm thinking that that's one big sentence--even though the semi-colon joins two independent clauses. By using the semi-colon, Wescott is saying, "This is one big sentence."
The subject of the first independent clause is "The Cullens.
"the" is a determiner. It is an article. The definite article.
"Cullens" is a plural proper noun.
The main verb of the first independent clause is "were." It is plural and in the past tense. Tense does not mean time, but we can assume from "were" that we are talking about the past.
"Irish" is an adjective. It is a subject complement that modifies "The Cullens." It tells us something about them.
After that independent clause, we have a semi-colon. Following the semi-colon is "but," which, in this case, looks not to be a coordinating conjunction but a conjunctive adverb--sort of similar to a word like "however."
"it was in France that I met them" is something special. This might be what's called a cleft sentence in that I could move things around and change it to "I met them in France." By having a cleft sentence, Wescott puts emphasis on "France," since that word appears in the middle.
"it" would ordinarily be called a pronoun, but it doesn't look to be referring to an antecedent here. I don't know what this "it" is. It might be expletive it. It's not a pronoun--that much must be true.
Since "it" might be an expletive, I'm not sure if it's the true subject. Or it is the subject but not a strong one. (In a more direct sentence "I" would be the subject."
"it" is the subject.
"was" is the main verb. It is the "to be" verb in the past tense.
"in France" is a prepositional phrase.
"in" is the preposition.
"France" is the object of the preposition. This prepositional phrase acts as an adverb of time and place, and it also serves as, I think, the subject complement to "it." But who knows.
"that I met them and was able to form an impression of their love and their trouble" is an adjective clause, which, I think modifies "France." But this is tough since it seems to act adverbally.
"that" is the marker of the relative clause. If I were to diagram it, I think it'd be an expletive, too. That is, it would be on one of those pedestals with the dotted line bases.
"I" is the subject of the adjective clause. It is a first-person pronoun. It has no antecedent. We do not know who "I" is.
"met" is the first verb of the compound main verb that's in the adjective clause. It is a transitive verb and requires a direct object, which is "them."
"them" is a third-person plural pronoun that has to be in an object position of the sentence. It is the direct object. It has an antecedent, which is "The Cullens."
"and" is a conjunction that joins the two verbs in the main verb--the verb phrase--of the relative clause.
"was" is the other verb in the verb phrase. It is the past tense of "to be." Lots of the "to be" verb so far in this first big sentence.
"able" is an adjective. It is the subject complement of "I." What the narrator is saying is that he has some sort of ability.
"to form an impression of their love and their trouble" is an infinitive clause that modifies "able," so that means that it's an infinitive clause that acts as an adverb.
I wish I were your favorite son, but I am not.
"to form" is the infinitive. It looks like a verb, but it's a verbal. It carries no tense. That's why it's part of a phrase and not a clause.
"an impression" is the direct object of the transitive infinitive verb "to form." Something is forming.
"an" is a determiner. It is an article.
"impression" is a noun.
"of their love and their trouble" is a prepositional phrase with a compound object.
"of" is the preposition.
"their love and their trouble" is the object of the preposition.
"their" is a determiner. It has pronoun qualities to it, too, even though it can't take the place of a noun. Instead, it modifies a noun--all the while pointing back to an antecedent. The antecedent is "The Cullens." Everything in this sentence points back to the Cullens.
"love" is a noun. It is the worst noun in the dictionary. It is an abstract noun that causes so much concrete pain, anguish, shame, and embarrassment. The world would be better if it did not exist as a noun.
"and" is a conjunction that joins the two objects of the preposition. It has a bad attitude about it.
"their" is another determiner. It acts as an adjective in that it modifies "trouble."
"trouble" is also a noun--and it's a far better and more honest noun than "love," which is the worst noun--the worst piece of technology ever to come out of the rotten teeth and stinking tongues of humans.
7 MWE: With mud gloves, the terms are set: crushed terns.
faces
Portugal
domination
whether
warn
The phantasmagoria had no fanfare because it happened at a time when lubricant was not abundant. What was abundant was manikins. They saw a woman undressing and dressing a manikin in a window. They saw milk. They saw testy people arguing in the park. In the park, old people waited for young thieves. The thieves had stolen things, and they came to the park to sell those things to old people who lived off very little. She found a key. She did not know what lock that key went to, but she tied string around the key's teeth and said something as she did that. She knew that the key would make her fall in love. She wanted to fall in love, so she numbed her ears with ice and poppy juice. Her grandmother held a needle to a flame.
She ran the needle through her ear lobes. She put string through the holes. Wire through the holes. Cable through the holes. The phantasmagoria passed a family 500,000 years ago. The phantasmagoria passed my grandfather. It passed by me when my son was standing on a trash couch, crying. We flew. We were crabby. We begged each other to leave each other. We lit firecrackers. The child was angry because a dark thing was following. His grandmother told him that that dark thing was his shadow. She said everyone had shadows. She had a shadow! The little dog they were walking had a shadow. But he had gotten to the age where he no longer trusted her. She said she would not suffer fools. She could not suffer fools.
He was afraid to be near her and to speak around her because he had heard that she could not suffer fools. Suffer, fools. He would not succumb to the waste. The grapes were poor this year. The roof had caved in. She learned to make preserves, and that was her way of endearing herself to the neighbors. The neighbors' son had been abused by the dogs they bred. Many black dogs had jumped on him as he floated in a pond. He could not get out. An ache came with each parry.
His father had warned him that if he ate the herb he found in the nest he would lose his tongue in his sleep. His tongue crawled out of his face in his sleep when he was sleeping in a sack he could not stand. There was no herb in the nest. His mother had been pushed into a fire. She learned to deaden her face. That was a skill her husband had taught her. She finished her bath, and when she stepped out the door of the bathroom, she was met by her husband's hands, which fumbled in getting around her neck. He complained that she had hid his guns from him. He wore no trousers. He attempted to develop a paste that could get you drunk but that wouldn't leave you feeling pungent or concrete the next day. They warned each other to leave each other alone.
To fold yourself up for no reason other than to find yourself in a canoe with your brother. You are on the Passaic, and you are both drunk. He tries to throttle you, and you kick him off. Your son is standing on the trash couch, squalling. You were supposed to be watching him, but you have left him crying. You have left him to see a phantasmagoria. But there is no fanfare for it. Many things are in it. Taking the lead is a portrait painter--followed by a bear wrestling an angel. Next, it is a fast piece of hair on the lip of a sleeping woman. She slept on a bench. There is a warm plaque. I felt no glee with the person with whom I saw in the hole. I had a carnation. I had an olive in a carnation.
My son and his sense that he should not like his shadow. He shakes his head at it. He won't wave to it, even if his grandmother asks him to. She was inconsistent in the ocean. Sometimes the bottoms were on, and sometimes they were off. It was not such a bad thing to be spat on. It was not such a bad thing to see a man pushing a rock far larger than he into the ocean.
To be far larger than he he had to eat much meat. He was the person who sold it. He was the person who picked fruit out of the backyards of other people. It was a neighborhood where no one walked dogs. You would see the dogs in frontyards or backyards, but no one walked dogs. It was a place where people would cut off dogs' ears and dogs' tails. She was inconsistent in the ocean or when she drank water. I could never be lighthearted because I ate too many chicken hearts. It came out that I enjoyed them, and I did. I was commended for spitting on my son and on my wife. This, after she spat on me and on him. Our child squalling on the couch.
If you had had a video of it, you'd say it was an abused child. But if you had the video and our explanations, then maybe you'd have something else. Or if our threats came with it. He had a plan for the winter. After the first big snowstorm, he'd pretend to shovel out his drive. After doing that for a bit--enough for the neighbors to see--he'd pack his tailpipe with snow. He'd sit in the backseat of his car, pretending to take a break from shoveling, and, sure, the cab of the car would fill with neon light and seawater and dust in brownian motion, which is a form of dust that, if inhaled, can get you to fall in love so long as you have the key with the string wound around it. As you wind around the string, there are prayers to say. Incantations. Not the argot of thieves but the prayers of sham humans.
Humans who deny a phantasmagoria passed by them when it did. It passed by the prehistoric family. The mother had killed a sick baby mammoth with an atl-atl. It passed by my grandfather, who made a point of being abusive with his wife and three of his children but not with my father. Because my father was not the abused one, I was certain to pay for it. I was certain to eat quince. I was certain to smell mint because someone had driven a riding motor over it. I was certain to have my tennis balls stolen by kids or to have my eye poked out with a spear because I was part of an experiment in which, as a control, a spear is put in my eye. It's supposed to touch the part of my brain that makes me smile and dream.
Portugal
domination
whether
warn
The phantasmagoria had no fanfare because it happened at a time when lubricant was not abundant. What was abundant was manikins. They saw a woman undressing and dressing a manikin in a window. They saw milk. They saw testy people arguing in the park. In the park, old people waited for young thieves. The thieves had stolen things, and they came to the park to sell those things to old people who lived off very little. She found a key. She did not know what lock that key went to, but she tied string around the key's teeth and said something as she did that. She knew that the key would make her fall in love. She wanted to fall in love, so she numbed her ears with ice and poppy juice. Her grandmother held a needle to a flame.
She ran the needle through her ear lobes. She put string through the holes. Wire through the holes. Cable through the holes. The phantasmagoria passed a family 500,000 years ago. The phantasmagoria passed my grandfather. It passed by me when my son was standing on a trash couch, crying. We flew. We were crabby. We begged each other to leave each other. We lit firecrackers. The child was angry because a dark thing was following. His grandmother told him that that dark thing was his shadow. She said everyone had shadows. She had a shadow! The little dog they were walking had a shadow. But he had gotten to the age where he no longer trusted her. She said she would not suffer fools. She could not suffer fools.
He was afraid to be near her and to speak around her because he had heard that she could not suffer fools. Suffer, fools. He would not succumb to the waste. The grapes were poor this year. The roof had caved in. She learned to make preserves, and that was her way of endearing herself to the neighbors. The neighbors' son had been abused by the dogs they bred. Many black dogs had jumped on him as he floated in a pond. He could not get out. An ache came with each parry.
His father had warned him that if he ate the herb he found in the nest he would lose his tongue in his sleep. His tongue crawled out of his face in his sleep when he was sleeping in a sack he could not stand. There was no herb in the nest. His mother had been pushed into a fire. She learned to deaden her face. That was a skill her husband had taught her. She finished her bath, and when she stepped out the door of the bathroom, she was met by her husband's hands, which fumbled in getting around her neck. He complained that she had hid his guns from him. He wore no trousers. He attempted to develop a paste that could get you drunk but that wouldn't leave you feeling pungent or concrete the next day. They warned each other to leave each other alone.
To fold yourself up for no reason other than to find yourself in a canoe with your brother. You are on the Passaic, and you are both drunk. He tries to throttle you, and you kick him off. Your son is standing on the trash couch, squalling. You were supposed to be watching him, but you have left him crying. You have left him to see a phantasmagoria. But there is no fanfare for it. Many things are in it. Taking the lead is a portrait painter--followed by a bear wrestling an angel. Next, it is a fast piece of hair on the lip of a sleeping woman. She slept on a bench. There is a warm plaque. I felt no glee with the person with whom I saw in the hole. I had a carnation. I had an olive in a carnation.
My son and his sense that he should not like his shadow. He shakes his head at it. He won't wave to it, even if his grandmother asks him to. She was inconsistent in the ocean. Sometimes the bottoms were on, and sometimes they were off. It was not such a bad thing to be spat on. It was not such a bad thing to see a man pushing a rock far larger than he into the ocean.
To be far larger than he he had to eat much meat. He was the person who sold it. He was the person who picked fruit out of the backyards of other people. It was a neighborhood where no one walked dogs. You would see the dogs in frontyards or backyards, but no one walked dogs. It was a place where people would cut off dogs' ears and dogs' tails. She was inconsistent in the ocean or when she drank water. I could never be lighthearted because I ate too many chicken hearts. It came out that I enjoyed them, and I did. I was commended for spitting on my son and on my wife. This, after she spat on me and on him. Our child squalling on the couch.
If you had had a video of it, you'd say it was an abused child. But if you had the video and our explanations, then maybe you'd have something else. Or if our threats came with it. He had a plan for the winter. After the first big snowstorm, he'd pretend to shovel out his drive. After doing that for a bit--enough for the neighbors to see--he'd pack his tailpipe with snow. He'd sit in the backseat of his car, pretending to take a break from shoveling, and, sure, the cab of the car would fill with neon light and seawater and dust in brownian motion, which is a form of dust that, if inhaled, can get you to fall in love so long as you have the key with the string wound around it. As you wind around the string, there are prayers to say. Incantations. Not the argot of thieves but the prayers of sham humans.
Humans who deny a phantasmagoria passed by them when it did. It passed by the prehistoric family. The mother had killed a sick baby mammoth with an atl-atl. It passed by my grandfather, who made a point of being abusive with his wife and three of his children but not with my father. Because my father was not the abused one, I was certain to pay for it. I was certain to eat quince. I was certain to smell mint because someone had driven a riding motor over it. I was certain to have my tennis balls stolen by kids or to have my eye poked out with a spear because I was part of an experiment in which, as a control, a spear is put in my eye. It's supposed to touch the part of my brain that makes me smile and dream.
Friday, August 26, 2011
WHAT IT IS
None of the buses worked anymore. Every time they fixed them, someone vandalized them again. Someone got into the depot and ruined their engines or stole their wheels. The entire budget for the buses had been exhausted, so there weren't any buses. None of them worked, so I didn't have a way to get to my job washing dishes and making salads and burning myself on the bread trays anymore. No one would drive me, and I didn't have a car. My grandma wouldn't drive me, and she kept her keys on her at all times. I didn't want to wrestle them from her, though she often goaded me into wrestling them from her. She had an empty swimming pool in her backyard. Every day, she would spit in it. Sometimes, she would pay me to spit in it. She would pay entire groups of people to spit in it because, after all, wouldn't it be some kind of record if you filled a swimming pool full of spit? I had no car. The reason I was working at the restaurant was to earn 2K to buy a 2K car and leave the town.
No bus, no ride, no car, so I had to wait for a boy, Graig, who rode his bike around the town all day. He never stopped riding--even in the incredible heat and sun, even when he was hungry, even when he had to defecate. Graig did not appreciate how much he depended on us in the town. We were the ones who held out sandwiches and water for him. We were the ones who gave him wipes. We were the ones who occasionally tackled him off his bike so that we could take off his shirt and slather him with sunscreen. Graig had fair skin, so if we didn't get him, then he'd have terrible scarlet burns on his face, his neck, and his arms. Somehow, even in the incredible sun, his legs remained pale.
No bus, no ride, no car, so I had to wait for a boy, Graig, who rode his bike around the town all day. He never stopped riding--even in the incredible heat and sun, even when he was hungry, even when he had to defecate. Graig did not appreciate how much he depended on us in the town. We were the ones who held out sandwiches and water for him. We were the ones who gave him wipes. We were the ones who occasionally tackled him off his bike so that we could take off his shirt and slather him with sunscreen. Graig had fair skin, so if we didn't get him, then he'd have terrible scarlet burns on his face, his neck, and his arms. Somehow, even in the incredible sun, his legs remained pale.
WHO KNOWS BUT THAT, ON THE LOWER FREQUENCIES, I SPEAK FOR YOU?
How is a small hardware store related to Intolerable Circumstances? This store is on a street where the rent must be high. Many of the things in the store have dust on them. Things do not get sold often. The rent must be high, but the manager says that things are fine. He is not worried about having to close. He has a display with yellow whiffle bats and white whiffle balls. He sells odd looking toilet plungers--ones that look part accordion. It is not clear how a small hardware store is related to Intolerable Circumstances. The man who owns the store is the only employee. It does not seem he abuses himself. He does not stand in his doorway and shout abuse at those who walk by. Who walks by?
There is a wooden case with a glass top. In this case are pocket knives. They have dust on them. The owner has a key machine. He has this machine in his widow. On top of the key machine is a metal rack that has many blank keys on it. Where does he get his blank keys from? Many people would like to order so many blank keys. They represent possibility and promise. They are not dusty. The keys are not dusty. They hang on a rack that's above the key machine. The key machine is an ILCO Manual Key Machine. Many people have wondered about getting such a key machine. Maybe it would be possible to find one used online. If many people were to get such a machine, they would have to figure out where to get the blank keys. Once they got the blank keys and the machine, they would be able to practice making keys before they started to make keys for a living. Or maybe they would make keys gratis for their friends.
It is difficult to think of an Intolerable Circumstance that has to do with making a key. After all, if you are making a key, then you are inviting someone in. The ILCO Manual Key machine is orange. It is an orange that people don't use anymore when they are trying to make a product. It is the orange of a plastic YMCA basketball, and it has grime all over it from the owner of the hardware store. The grime must have come from his hands since he's the only one who works in the store. The key machine is in the window--and close enough to the door--so maybe some of the grime is from the outside. The owner's hand oils and the soot from exhaust outside make up the grime.
The owner faces the key machine. He has a key. He has a key that someone wants copied. He has a key. He screws it into the left side of the ILCO. He takes a blank key from the rack and screws the blank key into the right side of the ILCO. When he moves the left side of the ILCO, the side with the key that's to be copied, it moves the right side of the ILCO, the side with the blank key. He turns on the ILCO. He moves the left side, and when he moves the left side, he runs the teeth of the key that's to be copied over a guide. He runs the teeth over a guide. As he runs the teeth over a guide, the right side of the ILCO moves and cuts teeth into the blank key. He runs the teeth over the guide two or three times. He unscrews the new key--the key that just a few minutes ago was blank--and runs an electric brush over it. He buffs the new key. He takes edges off it. And so he's made a key. It costs $1.50 to have a key made.
He says he never makes bad keys, but he says to people to go home and try their keys and come back if the keys don't work. He does not ask them about their lives. He wears an apron. When was the last time he went to the beach? When was the last time he floated in the ocean? There is red seaweed in the ocean. There are millions of little bugs in the ocean. They get in your swimsuit. They pinch you a little. It doesn't hurt, but it is strange--when they pinch you.
The ILCO Manual Key Machine. It is manual because you must use your hands, your manos, to operate it. It does not take much skill to operate the machine, and the machine does not look as if it's very expensive. But maybe it isn't expensive. And how expensive is a blank key? Is it 50 cents? Less? If it is less--and if an ILCO Manual Key Machine--can be bought used and for cheap, then it might be a good idea to have a key machine of your own. It would enable you to make your own keys and to make keys for your friends and people you wouldn't mind letting themselves in. You could make keys for other people. There is a power line pole right near your house. You could make a high-quality sign that says I MAKE KEYS FOR $2. You could make that sign, and there you go. You could make keys out of your house. It would cost $2. Sure, people could go to the hardware store, but what is 50 cents? Let them come to you. You will make keys. The ILCO key machine cannot make keys that say DO NOT DUPLICATE because those keys are much more complicated. Special machines make those keys, so if you lose such keys, you need to get them some other way. They say DO NOT DUPLICATE but certainly there are times when they must be copied.
There is a wooden case with a glass top. In this case are pocket knives. They have dust on them. The owner has a key machine. He has this machine in his widow. On top of the key machine is a metal rack that has many blank keys on it. Where does he get his blank keys from? Many people would like to order so many blank keys. They represent possibility and promise. They are not dusty. The keys are not dusty. They hang on a rack that's above the key machine. The key machine is an ILCO Manual Key Machine. Many people have wondered about getting such a key machine. Maybe it would be possible to find one used online. If many people were to get such a machine, they would have to figure out where to get the blank keys. Once they got the blank keys and the machine, they would be able to practice making keys before they started to make keys for a living. Or maybe they would make keys gratis for their friends.
It is difficult to think of an Intolerable Circumstance that has to do with making a key. After all, if you are making a key, then you are inviting someone in. The ILCO Manual Key machine is orange. It is an orange that people don't use anymore when they are trying to make a product. It is the orange of a plastic YMCA basketball, and it has grime all over it from the owner of the hardware store. The grime must have come from his hands since he's the only one who works in the store. The key machine is in the window--and close enough to the door--so maybe some of the grime is from the outside. The owner's hand oils and the soot from exhaust outside make up the grime.
The owner faces the key machine. He has a key. He has a key that someone wants copied. He has a key. He screws it into the left side of the ILCO. He takes a blank key from the rack and screws the blank key into the right side of the ILCO. When he moves the left side of the ILCO, the side with the key that's to be copied, it moves the right side of the ILCO, the side with the blank key. He turns on the ILCO. He moves the left side, and when he moves the left side, he runs the teeth of the key that's to be copied over a guide. He runs the teeth over a guide. As he runs the teeth over a guide, the right side of the ILCO moves and cuts teeth into the blank key. He runs the teeth over the guide two or three times. He unscrews the new key--the key that just a few minutes ago was blank--and runs an electric brush over it. He buffs the new key. He takes edges off it. And so he's made a key. It costs $1.50 to have a key made.
He says he never makes bad keys, but he says to people to go home and try their keys and come back if the keys don't work. He does not ask them about their lives. He wears an apron. When was the last time he went to the beach? When was the last time he floated in the ocean? There is red seaweed in the ocean. There are millions of little bugs in the ocean. They get in your swimsuit. They pinch you a little. It doesn't hurt, but it is strange--when they pinch you.
The ILCO Manual Key Machine. It is manual because you must use your hands, your manos, to operate it. It does not take much skill to operate the machine, and the machine does not look as if it's very expensive. But maybe it isn't expensive. And how expensive is a blank key? Is it 50 cents? Less? If it is less--and if an ILCO Manual Key Machine--can be bought used and for cheap, then it might be a good idea to have a key machine of your own. It would enable you to make your own keys and to make keys for your friends and people you wouldn't mind letting themselves in. You could make keys for other people. There is a power line pole right near your house. You could make a high-quality sign that says I MAKE KEYS FOR $2. You could make that sign, and there you go. You could make keys out of your house. It would cost $2. Sure, people could go to the hardware store, but what is 50 cents? Let them come to you. You will make keys. The ILCO key machine cannot make keys that say DO NOT DUPLICATE because those keys are much more complicated. Special machines make those keys, so if you lose such keys, you need to get them some other way. They say DO NOT DUPLICATE but certainly there are times when they must be copied.
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